Audra Writes
  • Home
  • Monthly Blog
  • Watcher
  • Abomination
  • Hitchhiker
  • Middle Eight

Diet Chronicles

5/1/2016

0 Comments

 
I spent most of last year caring for my son as he battled cancer. The only exercise I got was the nervous rocking of a worried mom, which is not enough to burn off those horrific hospital cafeteria meals. As a result, I am currently suffering from a tight wardrobe and a serious case of muffin top. It's time for me to take action. Today I will eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow I begin some serious diet and exercise. And you get to follow my torturous ride!
 
I have chosen the Atkins Diet. Normally my dieting attempts last all of one day, so I figure my best chance at succeeding is a diet that includes all the meat and cheese I can eat.
 
As for exercise, in addition to my exercise bike, I bought myself some dance exercise videos. My dancing is hysterical, so I thought it might make the exercise experience more fun if I’m laughing at myself as I go.
 
Excuse me while I scarf down one last Kit Kat before the pain begins…
 
Day One – This is why I don’t diet. All I can think about is food. Chocolate chip cookies. I can’t stop thinking about Nestle chocolate chip cookies. I’m salivating, literally drooling.
 
Day Two – My exercise video has arrived. Who are these people and why are they so perky? And why do they think I know how to do the 'get busy?' I think that requires an explanation.
 
Day Three – If I’m eating an entire trough of salad, is it really doing me any good? Mightn’t I just as well eat a sandwich? Good grief. I miss bread.
 
Day Four – I just rode my bike for a half an hour. I’m sweating like a cold drink on a hot day and I only burned enough calories to cover that tablespoon of peanut butter I dipped my apple in for lunch. Unreal.
 
Day ?? – Offer me a cupcake right now and you may pull back a bloody stump.
 
Day ‘Are we there yet?’ – The scale isn’t impressed with my efforts, but I feel skinnier. I’m about ready to call it. Good enough.
 
Day ‘Almost used to this’ – I feel kind of like the little engine that could. My pants are no longer cutting off my circulation. I said, “no” to a candy bar without crying. I think I can!
 
Day ‘Oops’ – Ok, this little engine derailed. I love pizza. How many hours on the bike can erase three slices of pepperoni & cheese deliciousness?
 
Day ‘screw it’ – I’m buying bigger pants and blouson shirts. Problem solved.
0 Comments

    Author

    Audra Middleton is a somewhat neurotic and terminally sarcastic author and mother of three from Washington State.

    Archives

    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012

    Categories

    All
    3 Day 3 Quote Challenge
    Abomination
    Afterglow
    Ainsley
    Alan Joshua
    Allison Knight
    Andrea Cooper
    Angelica Hart
    Angelina J Windsor
    Ann Everett
    Ann Harvey
    Anxiety
    April Fool
    Authors
    Benaiah
    Ben Franklin
    Blog Hop
    Cancer
    Carlyle Clark
    Celia Breslin
    Character Interviews
    Charles Brass
    Church
    C Lee Brown
    Closet Cleaning
    Coffee
    Colleen S Myers
    Conferences
    Contest
    Cookies
    Crime Fiction
    Crime Fiction
    Dani Collins
    Diana Green
    Diet
    DJ Davis
    D.L. Tabor
    Dove
    Dragon Cookie
    Elizabeth Fountain
    Embarrassing Moments
    Emoji
    Exercise
    Fantasy
    Fantasy Writers
    Fashion
    Flip Phone
    Gary Eddings
    Getting Old
    Giveaway
    Google
    Goran
    Graeme Brown
    Grandma
    Hannah Lokos
    Haven
    Helen Henderson
    Heroes
    Highland Promise
    Historical Fiction
    Hitchhiker
    Holly Hunt
    Hollywood
    Humor
    Inspiring Quotes
    Into The Lyons' Den
    Jack
    J.A. Garland
    Jane
    January Bain
    Jenna Greene
    John Lennon
    Joyce Proell
    Joyce Ward
    JP Lundstrom
    JS Marlo
    Judy Gill
    Judy Goodwin
    Julie Eberhart Painter
    Karin Rita Gastreich
    Keir
    Keith McCoy
    Kenneth Schultz
    Kerry Tolan
    Kindle Fire
    Laundry
    Let's Eat
    Leukemia
    Linda Rettstatt
    Linda Ulleseit
    Little Things
    Love
    L.T. Getty
    Macaroni & Cheese
    Maggie Thom
    Mary Mccall
    Middle Eight
    Misa Buckley
    Mom Characters
    Moms
    Movies
    Mystery
    New Year's
    Nicholas Andrews
    Nikki Andrews
    Nordstrom
    Olga Godim
    On-line Shopping
    Over The Rainbow
    Paranormal
    Parenthood
    Paula Kennedy
    Pippa Jay
    Plants Vs Zombies
    Poetry
    Professional Development
    Recipe
    Resolutions
    Richard Hacker
    Rita Bay
    Roderick Vincent
    Romance
    Romance Writers
    Ron D Voigts
    Scary Movies
    Science Fiction
    Seahawks
    Shoe Shopping
    Sledding
    Smart Phone
    Sneak Peek
    Snow Day
    Spanx
    Super Bowl
    Susan Stec
    Suspense
    Swim Suits
    Tainted Waters
    Teaching
    Technology
    Term & Conditions Apply
    Texting
    The Cloud
    The Next Big Thing
    TV
    Ute Carbone
    Valentines
    Veronica Hart
    Villains
    Watcher
    Wii
    Wiifit
    Windsong
    Writer's Block
    Writing
    You
    Zi
    Zombie Apocalypse

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.