And then my son got sick, and we spent over a month in the hospital. TV offered a mindless escape. The key word being mindless. A gazillion channels, and very little worth watching. Reality TV, YouTube highlight shows, reruns. It left me perplexed.
What’s with all the shows where cameramen follow random people around all day, as if we care? Honey Boo Boo, Kardashians, Real Housewives from wherever. I’ve been more entertained in the check out line at Wal-Mart.
So HGTV is no longer home improvement shows, just a bunch of middle class people expecting to buy homes worthy of the Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous? I can’t live without granite countertops. And ew, white appliances? We’ll need to gut this kitchen. Do these people wipe with dollar bills too?
What’s the difference between Extreme Couponing and Horders? I don’t care if it’s free, who needs a crate of toothpicks? Are they really going to eat a gross of yogurt before it goes bad?
And those Depends commercials - Underwareness? Please, God, tell me this is not a real thing. I can’t tell you how much I don’t need to be aware of anyone’s adult diaper situation.
Why do they call it reality TV? Everything’s scripted, except none of the people on screen can act, so it’s just really painful to watch. And yet I do. I can’t wait to see what the producers planted in that storage locker for the really bad actors to find. It’s so wrong.
When did they stop censoring commercials? I mean, normally I’m not a fan of censorship, but my seven year old does not need to witness a zombie’s brains being blown out or that creepy doll bleeding out its eyeballs or that sultry woman explaining ED in intimate detail seven times a day. That zombie commercial, by the way, appeared during an afternoon showing of Spongebob.
Is there a show that everybody watches anymore? There’s so many, on every channel, the odds of finding someone else at the water cooler who watches the same thing is slim-to-none. I miss the days when you could say “Master of my own domain” or “More cow bell” and everyone knew exactly what you were talking about.
Mostly, though, I miss the days when I had no TV. The mindless escape of cable has helped get me through a tough time, but I look forward to the time when I no longer feel the need to see what kind of fashion masterpiece that panicked designer made out of soccer balls and a throw pillow.