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Something to hold onto

8/1/2014

14 Comments

 
Summertime should be filled with flip flops, pool parties, and popsicles on the front porch. It should be about vacations, BBQs, and sleeping in. Sometimes, though, life isn't always what it should be. This June, my youngest son was diagnosed with Leukemia. He has spent his sixth summer fighting for his life.
 
When I first heard the news, it occured to me that I might never smile again, let alone laugh. And writing - forget about it. How could I continue to write snarky blogs or romantic comedies when my every thought was filled with anger and sorrow?
 
And then the news spread in my small town faster than those wildfires consuming Eastern Washington. After we told two people, it literally took only twenty minutes before we had over a dozen texts, phone calls and emails from concerned friends and co-workers. Awesome.
 
And then my husband accidentally butt-dialed some kind of code-blue. If you're curious what happens when you push the red button in a hospital room - everyone in scrubs comes running. Impressive.
 
And then my family packed me some much needed change of clothes. They ignored the eye-level shelves containing my normal clothes, pulled out a ladder, and reached up to the top shelf of my closet for some items of clothing I had not worn since the nineties. Not only were they out of style, but my pre-childbearing body must have been pretty svelt, because when I tried them on it was like I was wearing toddler clothes. I considered doing a "fat girl in a little shirt" dance for the night nurses, but I was pretty sure they were too young to get my Chris Farley reference.  I won't get into the items they exumed from my underwear drawer. The question isn't so much "what were they thinking?" as much as why are such things floating around in my closet in the first place? Awkward.
 
And then my sweet, polite little boy whose tastebuds are not working properly loudly announced that his strawberry smoothie tasted like fart. Descriptive.
 
I had to laugh in these moments. And it felt good. There have been so many things to smile about, in spite of the hell we are going through. Our family and friends have flooded us with cards, gifts, words of encouragement, and financial support. The doctors and nurses at Children's have been amazing, and go out of their way to let us know how special our son is. And our son continues to be thoughtful and sweet, despite what's happening to him.
 
Leukemia is a special kind of hell, beyond my worst nightmares as a parent. But I have to believe whatever hardship we face, there is always some good to hold onto.


Let's fight leukemia - support cancer research!:
http://pages.lightthenight.org/wa/SeattleL14/SCollins


14 Comments
Stephanie Cole link
8/1/2014 10:00:21 am

Audra, I was so sorry to hear of this tremendous challenge for you and your family. Good for you to have such a positive post--my thoughts and hopes are with you and your son.

Reply
Ken Schultz link
8/1/2014 10:12:20 am

So very sorry for you and your son. Everything else doesn't matter when something like this happens. I've spent too many hours in hospitals for my wife, Father, and Mother and can appreciate what you are going through. Thankfully modern medicine can do wonders.

Reply
Olga Godim link
8/2/2014 05:49:07 am

Audra, so sorry for you and your kid. Illnesses are hard, especially in children, but Ken is right: modern medicine can do a lot. Don't lose hope, and I'll hope with you.
Best to you and your son.
Olga

Reply
Rita Bay link
8/2/2014 09:28:25 am

I can't imagine the stress your family must be under. My mother who has had chronic lymphocytic leukemia for many years prays for your son every day during her church service. Between God and some great medicine, he should be okay. Rita

Reply
Kat Hall
8/2/2014 09:49:21 am

Audra, I know the hell you are going through. A virus invaded my 4 y/o son's body and he couldn't fight it. The months we spent watching him and praying and the not knowing is the hardest. He finally rallied and beat that virus. There was no medicine for him but there is for your son and with prayer, the modern medicine and great doctors we have today, I know he will be okay. Prayers and hugs for all of you. Kat

Reply
J.A. Garland
8/2/2014 10:39:37 am

Audra,
People true colors come through when dealing with adversity--yours is a sunny rainbow. Your son is so lucky to have you :) Thank you for sharing such a personal story, and please don't forget to take some moments to yourself to recharge your battery.
Best to you and your wonderful family, and I think I'll go clean out my underwear drawer because yikes if anyone ever looked in there, lol 😁

Reply
Keith McCoy link
8/2/2014 11:05:57 am

Audra,

I know you feel as if your sense of humor is all but non-existent but it will carry you very far through this. I love the "fart" flavored smoothie. Ill family members are stressful and draining but I have a feeling your personality as well as your family's will win out. Your family is in my prayers.

Keith McCoy

Reply
Linda Rettstatt link
8/2/2014 11:12:58 am

So sorry for your struggles. I will pray for your son and your family and that you all continue to find a smile now and then.

Reply
Veronica H. Hart link
8/2/2014 12:12:57 pm

Audra,

My family's and my prayers are with your family and your son. We know your pain. With God's help your son will pull through.

Ronnie

Reply
joyce proell link
8/2/2014 10:00:10 pm

A lovely post, Audra. Brought tears to my eyes. Its so true. No matter how awful the challenge, weird and strange things do occur unexpectedly which make a person wonder and laugh. Good luck to you and your family.

Reply
Ute Carbone link
8/3/2014 04:31:17 am

Oh Audra, what an awful thing to have to face. I'm sending my best thoughts your way. Know (I think you already do) that you are not alone, there are a whole world full of people there to support you. Take care.

Reply
Liz Fountain link
8/3/2014 06:45:40 am

Sending thoughts of healing and support to you and your family, Audra. May the wisdom of laughter never leave your side.

Reply
Audra Middleton link
8/3/2014 12:46:38 pm

Thanks so much to all of you for your words of encouragement. You all make me smile :)!

Reply
Nikki Andrews
8/3/2014 09:19:31 pm

My thoughts and best wishes are with your son and your whole family, Audra.

Reply



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    Audra Middleton is a somewhat neurotic and terminally sarcastic author and mother of three from Washington State.

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